Who are "they"

I've always heard that "they" say the pain gets less when you've lost someone. As each year since my mom died January 7, 1992 passes and I find I miss her more and more instead of less I wonder who "they" are. Yesterday was my daughter's 16th birthday. My mother was able to hold and love and play with Stephanie for 10 months before the ovarian cancer she'd been battling for close to five years finally claimed her. By the time she died it had spread to her spine and various other internal organs.

It's different, too, than the feelings I have about the loss of my late son. He was just over 14 months when he died June 4, 2000. I miss him, it's particularly difficult when I see kids that would be the age he is now. It hurts.

But it's different. I guess because there are times I need advice, words of wisdom, or just want to know if I behaved like that when I was Stephanie's age. I don't really have anyone to go to for that now, and I find it makes me sad more now than it did when Stephanie was a baby.

Maybe it's because I'm in a better place now. A happy marriage, happy with myself, I'm here in Fargo where my mother grew up, I see her mother frequently (my grandma is 100+) and she refers to me as Anita quite often (Anita was my mom), etc. All things I imagine that contribute to my missing her more often than not.

I look at Stephanie some days and I just can't help but feel that she was incredibly cheated not to know my mother. We have a videotape of Stephanie's first year, my mother is on it until just after Christmas 1991, but it's not the same as seeing her in person. She was so sick those last few months she was really just a shell of the great woman I once knew and admired.

I take some comfort in knowing that my mother and grandfather (who my late son was named for) are up in heaven taking care of my little Art until I'm with him again.

Anyway, that's my deep thought for today.